bumpin' uglies

Growing up in a southern household I was taught how to keep my purity until I was married. I was taught that sex makes everything complicated and how it's a sin. However, my parents weren't the ones to teach me this but it was my public school that did. During the years when I really needed "the talk" my dad already had his foot out of the door. Next, I started dating and my dad was never there to squeeze my boyfriend's hand and look him in the eye with a warning of "you be good to her boy". So I basically had to rely on TV or books to teach me right from wrong. 

I began dating my ex fiance when I was 15 years old. I guess I "found my womanhood" with him and only him throughout high school. Since I was taught that sex was supposed to be saved for husbands, I kept him in my life because I thought that since I lost my virginity to him, I was obligated to marry him. He asked me to be his wife last year in June and that's when he began cheating on me (perfect timing huh?). I finally grew some balls and broke it off last January after months of letting him do it to me. He moved on quickly and I thought to myself "It's not fair for him to be with whoever he wants". So I did so too. 

I finally began looking at myself as not a victim anymore and decided to have men in my life. I always felt like I needed a man to talk to since I didn't have my dad. I still today crave attention and interaction with a guy. With that being said, I NEVER let a guy choose me; I always chose my guy. After having a few notches under my belt I met Mason at my work. Quiet, shy, good looking so I thought he'd be the perfect boy to corrupt (I do love the wallflowers).  We bumped uglies a few times and that's when I realized that he really is perfect for my life and understands my "daddy issues" and unlike most guys, has no problem with it. 

I feel like having sex with whomever I, as a woman, chose and not letting them choose me empowers me. I feel that I'm not a slut for having multiple partners and it's my damn right. I'm very open with my sexuality and have no shame behind it. I am adventurous, get places pierced on my body to increase pleasure, and I don't care who knows it! I'm happy with my decisions and have absolutely no regrets! I'm glad that I can write to all of you and let you know these things, because nobody should be ashamed of their past and as a sexual woman myself, be proud of your body. Express yourself however you choose, and just be safe. Don't let a man tell you that he needs you and wants you. Don't give a man the satisfaction of thinking he "got" you. Satisfy yourself by choosing who YOU want and "get" them! I always chose my men and never let a man choose me. I give myself power this way and I don't care who knows it. 

Hi, I'm Tara and I'm apparently open for business.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I had waited 17 years to finally become a "leader" in our church's Lads to Leaders program we held every year in Natchez. I packed my bible and my bags and drove 7 hours with my church to the Grand ol' Opry Hotel. It was riddled with Christians and I was finally going to be their Moses! The program leader greeted me at the door where she proceeded to check my bags (ya know, for devilish shit). She then discovered my Yaz pill packet in the bottom of my purse. She told me that they were against the Christian beliefs and socially unacceptable and sent me home.

I felt awful! How could a fellow lady tell me that I couldn't take Birth Control pills? I mean come on people! Weren't these little bastards created for OUR benefit? To give us women the power to choose our own life paths without worry? I felt insulted to hear another woman tell me that my choices to take the birth control basically defined me as a "loose" woman. How dare she or anyone label me in that sense? Women should have the right to their own bodies. If I don't want to have a child right now I'm gonna pop these little suckers into my mouth every night at 9 as much as I please.

Politically, I have the right as a young woman to make this conscience decision. However, I feel that whenever a guy sees me take my pills he thinks I will put out; or, if another girl sees me she will think I'm a slut. I shouldn't have to make an excuse to run off to the bathroom just to take my pill. The pill has a lot of biological benefits and I feel that I should have the complete right to take it whenever I please without being judged. You don't have to be open for business because you're on the pill. There are plenty of reasons why it was created, so us women should stop being so judgmental on the fact that other women take it. It was a hard-earned right for us so screw the world (Literally if you want to. I won't judge)...  :P