bumpin' uglies

Growing up in a southern household I was taught how to keep my purity until I was married. I was taught that sex makes everything complicated and how it's a sin. However, my parents weren't the ones to teach me this but it was my public school that did. During the years when I really needed "the talk" my dad already had his foot out of the door. Next, I started dating and my dad was never there to squeeze my boyfriend's hand and look him in the eye with a warning of "you be good to her boy". So I basically had to rely on TV or books to teach me right from wrong. 

I began dating my ex fiance when I was 15 years old. I guess I "found my womanhood" with him and only him throughout high school. Since I was taught that sex was supposed to be saved for husbands, I kept him in my life because I thought that since I lost my virginity to him, I was obligated to marry him. He asked me to be his wife last year in June and that's when he began cheating on me (perfect timing huh?). I finally grew some balls and broke it off last January after months of letting him do it to me. He moved on quickly and I thought to myself "It's not fair for him to be with whoever he wants". So I did so too. 

I finally began looking at myself as not a victim anymore and decided to have men in my life. I always felt like I needed a man to talk to since I didn't have my dad. I still today crave attention and interaction with a guy. With that being said, I NEVER let a guy choose me; I always chose my guy. After having a few notches under my belt I met Mason at my work. Quiet, shy, good looking so I thought he'd be the perfect boy to corrupt (I do love the wallflowers).  We bumped uglies a few times and that's when I realized that he really is perfect for my life and understands my "daddy issues" and unlike most guys, has no problem with it. 

I feel like having sex with whomever I, as a woman, chose and not letting them choose me empowers me. I feel that I'm not a slut for having multiple partners and it's my damn right. I'm very open with my sexuality and have no shame behind it. I am adventurous, get places pierced on my body to increase pleasure, and I don't care who knows it! I'm happy with my decisions and have absolutely no regrets! I'm glad that I can write to all of you and let you know these things, because nobody should be ashamed of their past and as a sexual woman myself, be proud of your body. Express yourself however you choose, and just be safe. Don't let a man tell you that he needs you and wants you. Don't give a man the satisfaction of thinking he "got" you. Satisfy yourself by choosing who YOU want and "get" them! I always chose my men and never let a man choose me. I give myself power this way and I don't care who knows it.